Nicole's Notions

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Fuck.

No birthday for Collin,
No christmas for my boys.
No work for my husband.
No happiness, no joy.

No where to go soon.
Not a place for me to live.
No reason to go on.
Why on earth should I continue to give?

Why do I care?
About everyone around me?
I put everyone 1st..
Yet, no one can see.

They think I blame all.
Anyone but myself.
They think I have no sense of anything
for anyone but myself.

They see me as a baby.
As one who could care less.
About anyone, anywhere,
About anyone but myself.

I do care.
I put everyone 1st.
If someone needed it,
Fuck, I would just rip off my shirt!

I cry, I grimace,
I run and I hide.
I just fucking let
my emotions hang on the outside.

I let people know how I feel.
I don't try to hide.
Its is everyone else
that cannot simply find.

They can't find their way.
Everyone comes to me.
Fuck them, I can't handle their shit!
Why can't they see?

Why can't they see,
that I just don't function right...
How can I take care of anyone,
when I don't even see the light?

I try my best to be
everyone's number 1.
I cannot do that anymore.
Don't they see I am done?

I am done putting everyone 1st
I need 1st to be my family.
I am done helping everyone.
I need to help me!

I don't want to live.
I don't want to care.
I don't want to be.
I don't want to share.

I am done sharing my hand,
when I get nothing in return.
No one can offer me hope.
Everyone just leaves me to burn.

Fuck everyone,
anyone I know.
I may not have
anywhere to go.

But I do have the fact that I try.
I always try.
But I am always left,
just left to just die.

I am not the selfish one
It is those around me.
Those that are just
to fucking selfish to see.

To see how they really are.
How they always blame me.
To see how they really act
How they hold that fucking key.

The key that controls
Everyway I am.
Controls how I feel.
How I am nothing but a lamb.

I cannot even call
myself a fucking sheep.
I am not big enough..
I am just a fucking creep..

I am nothing
I always have been..
I am nothing
I will always be.

Fuck you,
for I am fucked.
No where to go,
No one to want me,
No one to care,
No one even fucking really knows me
to even understand,
let alone,
offer a helping hand.
Fuck Everyone.

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are in good company because Jesus put everyone first too ,even you and me so we could have an opportunity to live and draw close to God. The answer to peace and happiness. You are blessed to be in His company. John 3:16

December 3, 2008 at 10:02 PM  

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