See the other blog!

Baby Shower for me!!

1st time pink!

I have been making "siggies" for myself and others on www.justmommies.com message boards on and off for about 3 years now. Today, for the first time ever I was able to make myself a pink one! I am so pleased to announce I will no longer be the only girl in my home full of testosterone =] Does anyone know just how damn excited this makes me? Now I need some pretty little pictures of my daughter to make it extra special.. because, lets face it, ultrasound pictures are not very girly ;-]

Been a while huh?

Wow, I haven't blogged in ages! So much has happened!



I am in my 2nd trimester of my pregnancy-going great, check the details (and pictures) our at my other blog The Unexpected. Oh, if boy, baby is Samual Adam; if girl, Bailey Grace Elizabeth.

My parents moved out! We are officially on our own. Tom and I in our own room. Thomas in his own real bed. Collin in his crib, when he isn't climbing out. The boys are lucky enough to have a playroom, all to themselves! They love it! I my own computer back, though it is really slow and old, I have my photoshop back! We have the backyard all to ourselves, the boys love it!
-Oh and we also have a roommate! Vinny is my brothers friend of 7 or 8 years. And helps us out with the rent, which is great! He isn't ever home when I am so it works perfectly!

Work is going great! I love waitressing so much its weird. I love the tips, the attention, and all the flirting. Who knew being pregnant would turn on so many guys? In fact, one guy actually said to me, "Man I so wanna bite the shit out of your belly!" WTF?? Whatever... Hours will be getting cut soon as the leagues are all ending, but all is well.

The meth. program sucks.. I refuse to see the shrink there anymore, as he thinks I am crazy.. Apparently I am not stable enough to take home my methadone bottles, I may OD or poison my kids or something... Fuck him. Plus he wants to prescribe me meds that are catagory X for pregnancy... Fuck him again. I really wish I could detox. I really want to detox. I believe I am ready to detox. I can't detox. Detoxing means buh-bye baby. That would be bad!

My mind is really fucking me. I am having problems decifering fact from fiction, and reality from dreams as of late, and I need to find a new shrink to discuss this shit.. Thank god for free medical now.. I am having alot of manic-down mood swings lately and rapid crazy highs.. I know I need to find a med that I can safely take while pregnany and breastfeeding. I refuse to take a med I cannot breastfeed on, or that will harm my child.

Mostly though things really are going well. Heck I am even planning my very 1st weekend EVER out of CT!

Oh! Here are my latest photos and creation from photoshop!

Very 1st OB appt.

Measuring apx. 6 weeks. Pregnancy should be fine with the methadone. I have to worry about premature labor. My ob may not be able to delivery me in my hospital, may have to deliver in Yale. Baby will have to stay at least 1 week in hospital to withdrawel from the drug.. I was feeling like such a rotton person for getting pregnant while on methadone.. What was I thinking letting him do that in me? knowing the risks? But I am really working on not thinking that way. I am trying to think of this as my way of really beginning again.

u/s on monday, appt in 4 weeks, he confirmed 9/22 as edd based on lmp

Its a baby!

I forgot to post!



bloodwork confirmed it!

1st appt: tomarrow, 1030am!

My New Beginning.

In my Jan2008PR on the message boards at www.justmommies.com one of the fellow mommies posted this quote.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts.... We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes." -
-- Charles swindoll

I will post here the reason she mentioned this quote to me.

I had posted yesterday on JM about how this pregnancy is my new beginning.

"I am so darn sick of feeling so negative. I am so sick of whining about all the things that seem to be just going wrong.I was thinking, while at the hospital.. Maybe this pregnancy is a blessing? Maybe this is the my fresh start.. This is my new beginning. Negativity and self pity are not going to get me far, or my family. What my family needs is a positive attitude. Motivation. Initiative. Being so low all the time is not going to help give my family what we need. We need Positives! Heck, it was a positive pregnancy test right? How can you get more positive than that? Collin coughing blood turned out to just be the ear infection, granted that stinks, but its a heck of a lot better than the things that were going through my mind!This is it. Starting right now at this moment. I will put all my energy towards the positives. No more being such a negative Nancy!"

Am I or Am I not?

help. My first period showed december 15th. My 1st since when I was using.. anyway Tom and I had sex about two weeks ago, the only time this month. I just took a test because I am paranoid, and....



its a shade or so darker in person I believe.. I am freaking out.. the digital thing says no but every time I have tested negative there was NO line whatsoever, and everytime I have tested positive, line.. when preggo w/ Collin this is the shade it was on the 1st test...