Been a while huh?

Wow, I haven't blogged in ages! So much has happened!



I am in my 2nd trimester of my pregnancy-going great, check the details (and pictures) our at my other blog The Unexpected. Oh, if boy, baby is Samual Adam; if girl, Bailey Grace Elizabeth.

My parents moved out! We are officially on our own. Tom and I in our own room. Thomas in his own real bed. Collin in his crib, when he isn't climbing out. The boys are lucky enough to have a playroom, all to themselves! They love it! I my own computer back, though it is really slow and old, I have my photoshop back! We have the backyard all to ourselves, the boys love it!
-Oh and we also have a roommate! Vinny is my brothers friend of 7 or 8 years. And helps us out with the rent, which is great! He isn't ever home when I am so it works perfectly!

Work is going great! I love waitressing so much its weird. I love the tips, the attention, and all the flirting. Who knew being pregnant would turn on so many guys? In fact, one guy actually said to me, "Man I so wanna bite the shit out of your belly!" WTF?? Whatever... Hours will be getting cut soon as the leagues are all ending, but all is well.

The meth. program sucks.. I refuse to see the shrink there anymore, as he thinks I am crazy.. Apparently I am not stable enough to take home my methadone bottles, I may OD or poison my kids or something... Fuck him. Plus he wants to prescribe me meds that are catagory X for pregnancy... Fuck him again. I really wish I could detox. I really want to detox. I believe I am ready to detox. I can't detox. Detoxing means buh-bye baby. That would be bad!

My mind is really fucking me. I am having problems decifering fact from fiction, and reality from dreams as of late, and I need to find a new shrink to discuss this shit.. Thank god for free medical now.. I am having alot of manic-down mood swings lately and rapid crazy highs.. I know I need to find a med that I can safely take while pregnany and breastfeeding. I refuse to take a med I cannot breastfeed on, or that will harm my child.

Mostly though things really are going well. Heck I am even planning my very 1st weekend EVER out of CT!

Oh! Here are my latest photos and creation from photoshop!

Nothing beats...

...just lying in bed next to your husband, while your children are sound asleep.

The downfall to this is, we must sleep, for 5 a.m. comes oh so soon.

Man oh Man do I miss his body, though it is next to mine each and every night, even right now as I type this.

I guess cuddling will have to do for now, though, I guess it doesn't matter how often we make love now, does it?

My Amazing Husband

Tom gave me my Christmas gift tonight, in front of my parents, his, my brother, sister and her fiance.

I have been asking for a bracelet, with my kids birthstones since last Christmas. A week or two ago Tom told me he didn't get me it, again, but wanted to get me something "nicer" than I described. All I wanted was plastic beads in the right colors for my kids stones, on a plastic/wire bracelet thingy from an arts an crafts store, I just wanted him to throw one together..
This is why, I am terrible w/ jewelery and break everything, or never wear it because of lack of dressy occasion..
I bitched, I moaned, told him I was going to hate whatever bracelet he got me, told him I was going to throw it back in his face.. I was a rotton bitch. I deserved to have been bitch slapped right then and there.
He explained how much this bracelet meant, cost, and how important it was that he did this his way. He explained how I wasn't going to hate it, how I wasn't going to throw it into his face, how infact I was going to love it.

This is my new bracelet, that I cried while reading, and am still tearing up over:







Each of the 5 ovals say:

Nicole A. Montgomery
Jan. 23, 1987

Thomas H. Montgomery, Sr
June 6, 1979

Thomas H Montgomery, Jr
Sept. 6, 2005

Collin P. Montgomery
Jan. 17, 2008

Collin Bailey
Oct. 3, 2006
Forever In Our Hearts

When I saw the baby we miscarried included on my "family" bracelet.. that was it, black eyeliner was all over my face, lets just say it is a very good thing my battery died on my camera right after I first first first saw my beautiful gift.


I will be forever greatful for this, I probably will not take it off until it is lost or broken..
(I mentioned I am terrible w/ jewelery..)

He does it again.

My husband, despite the fights and the bad words said, he is always right there.
He always talks me down, when I am at my worst.
I can only see darkness, and he is my light.
It never fails, with him, it always ends up alright.

I will go on, today and tomorrow.
I have to. I don't have a choice.

It also doesn't help, I am nothing but words.

no actions, just words.