How will I get by?

How will I get by with out you to bitch to?
How will I get by with out you to help me through?
How will I get by with out you by my side?
Who will I complain to?
Who will I hang out with when I am bored?
Who will I go out to lunch with? And Will they pay?

Nana, through out each of my pregnancies, you have always been there.
Been there to listen, keep company, and to gossip.
Who will help me stay sane this time?
Who will calm my nerves?
Who will drive me to the hospital?
Remember! It is supposed to be you!
Remember after I had Collin? Finally 21? You and I were supposed to go out for drinks at Chilli's! And for our "shots." Man those shots at chilli's were so good...

Who will rock this baby to sleep? Who will instantly stop this baby's crying?
Collin still is desperate to meet you! He wants cookies too.
Thomas misses you bunches, lady, why can't you still be here?

This year without you has been hell, I need you to help me make life better.
Without you, life just doesn't seem worth it.
But I am still needed, so I have to wait to join you.
Listen lady, as soon as I can, I will! I still need my rematch in Skipbo, I know you cheated!

Thomas was asking for you on Halloween. Wondered where you were.
The holidays aren't the same without you, Nana.
We all need you here.

But you are gone. No longer here.
No longer there to listen, to care.

My mother will never take your place.
She will never be the Nana you were.
Hopefully one day, I can compare.



Nana, I hope Tom is right!
I hope this baby is your way of coming back.
I hope this baby is your way of shedding some light.

Tom misses you so much also.
He had no one to get drunk with at Christmas,
no one to pass out at the table with.


Man oh man lady, we need you still..

With Love, Your Granddaughter

The tears flowing down, as thoughts of you continue to whirl all around.

My heart beckons for you to return to me, I just want you to see.

To see how terrible I do without your guidance. Without you I seem I'm in a trance.

I need to grow up, move on, make do. I must stop putting all the blame on you.

Two days shy of already one year. This year has been too much to bare.

Now, I will start to mend. I can't change that you are dead.

I can, though, change the way I am. It's time for me to form a plan.

A plan of action if you will. A plan to get by with my heart fulfilled.

Fulfilled with your love, for me and mine. This will get easier with patience and time.

As each day flies by, the more I will try.

To remember, to miss, to grieve, and to live.

Because you have taught me, I have so much to give.

-♥Love, Your granddaughter, Nicole♥-

Miss you Nana.

One year ago today was the last time Nana was happy, healthy, and not in the hospital, the last time she was celebrating. Her last Christmas. The last time she was out, not at her own home.

One year ago, we were all celebrating. We were all happy, healthy, and Nana had a good enough buzz for the whole house.

Nana was, and always was the life and heart of any event, of any single day, any moment.

Just a few moments ago my father brought out my mothers gift from Tom, my children, and I, to show my dear Aunts Alice and Agnes.

Inside was a photo of Nana. We all started crying. This morning when my mom first opened it we all started crying.

This somehow managed to be the best Christmas, gift wise, food wise, everything. Only two things wrong. Alice not doing the cooking and not being here between 9-11am, and... Nana...

Man.. I miss her so much.. I haven't even been to her grave sight since Mothers day. I need to go.

I need her.

Nana, you are the heart and joy of the family.

You are the old lady with the dirty mind who made any shy person comfortable.
You were the light in all your grand children's eyes, even when we got into trouble.
We will miss you forever.
And you are always here, in our hearts.
With Love, Nicole

Nana.

Living upstairs made it easy as can be.
Have a nightmare? Just can't sleep?
Head on downstairs,
That's where she'll be.

"Coffee" in the morning,
cereal in the TMNT bowl.
Gotta eat it with the trix spoon,
It's the same everytime, ya know.

Grandpa's playhouse,
David the Gnome,
Eureka's castle,
We were never alone.

Never understanding
why Santa made two stops.
One "Christmas" at our house.
But the one at her's always rocked!

Aunt Jemima pancakes,
and the syrup too.
Always a perfect lunch,
and a perfect dinner too.

Playing out back,
in the turtle sandbox.
Hopping, skipping,
throwing some rocks.

Years went by,
we all aged.
Growing older and older.
She went so grey!

Her hair always the same,
the perm tight to her head.
She always dyed it brown.
But once it was brownish-red.

Her nose was like rudolph.
so red and so bright.
Her toes were crooked and mangled,
man, what a sight!

Solitaire, Uno, and Skipbo
were a few games we played.
While I snacked on her stuffed cherry peppers,
which she always had made.

While we played,
soaps we watched.
But you had to pay attention to her cheating,
in which I would always yell, stop.

And when we left her house,
it was always a blast.
1st stop, always was Dunkin'
I thought those days would last.

Whenever out to eat,
she would never let us pay.
It was like her way of thanking us,
for sharing our entire day.

Those days are gone,
forever missed.
Man I just want
one last forehead kiss.

One more teeth-hanging out smile.
One more silly grin.
One more chance to say,
Haha I win.

Just one more day,
just her and I.
Just one more day, PLEASE
I swear I won't cry.